|Posted by Tai Kagamine Kokoro Veneziano Vargas on December 13, 2013 at 1:05 PM|
11- 26 - 13
I can't focus on a single one of my classes. My life has literally fallen to hell. He's trapped us like dogs in a cage and taken away everything from me. I've treated my friends coldy and hurt someone I care about. That person yesterday was not me it couldn't have been. . . I'm not that monster right ? The enemy has reached my brain again. It's eating away at me. I hate it. I wish I had someone to cry onto and pat my head and tell me it'll be okay. My health has fallen too. This broken heart and mind of mine are killing me. I can hear my teacher's yell at my ears right now. I'm sorry but I can't do anything with this stress. Shintagari. Why ? Why do I have to live in a world where people would care and I would regret my own death ? I wish for the snow to just bury me alive. I feel as cold as the weather outside. It's just so hard now I'm so torn. I'm caught in a web in the middle of a war. The only light in all of this is knowing one of the most important person is there by my side and looking out for me. He's done something unforgivable. He's lied to the court, the law, and he's taken me from my mother. And now I'm paying for this. My mind has become so clouded I can not focus on my studies. And now I'm sitting back here like a fool with everyone's eyes stabbing into me like I'm a fool. I'm the outcast in the shadows now. I don't want to argue with the teacher, but he doesn't understand this. You make me out to be the fool I am. I deserve this right ? It is my fault that I can't focus because I've lost nearly everything I care about ? That I'm worried about my brothers and my mother, who has been taken from me ? God help me and fufill his prayers. I have too many people to apologize to. I can feel the laughter inside of them, me out of the light like a clown. I want to cry but my tears are nearly dry. I hate this. I hate him. I hate everything he's done. This is all his fault. He just wants me to suffer. I wonder what he's thinking, my light I mean. Are you feeling pity for me ? Or laughing at me ? Or surprised that the small quiet girl finally spoke out against the larger authority ? My voice is fading. The end will come in time.