" My name is of no importance, but this is my story. There are two of me. One behind my closed eyes , one behind my open. Each one is slowly dying. I can do nothing to prevent it , it is my fate. Who am I ? Where did this second me come from ? I will never know the answers , until the day I learn to take control of my own fate. "
I closed the book as I put down my pencil and sighed. " Tomorrow is the last day of this loop.." A crooked laugh filled my head. " You know well fu hu hu.. " I put my hand to my forehead as pain slowly enveloped me. " You should get some rest. Come , say goodbye to your friends while you can fu hu hu..." The noise inside my head was frustrating me. I banged my fist on the wall. " Shut up already ! " The noise got louder and did not stop but continue to get more and more painful. In my head that voice echoed : " Go to sleep... go to sleep... go to sleep.... go to sleep..." I sighed in defeat as I flopped down onto my bed and curled up into my nice warm blanket. The words echoed in my head. " I'll need to be more careful with who I trust next time won't I ? I get it now. I won't make the mistakes I made here again. " My eyes began to feel heavy and the noise was becoming unbearable for me. And my eyes fell on the eve of the last day, and I sat up staring into the void of the safe room in the other me , who doesn't know that my life , is his dreams.
. . .
" You're awake ? " I turned to my left startled by a familiar voice. It was Yoshino , one of my three companions. " Did you have another dream about that other world again ? " I nodded. " The dreams are always so realistic though , it's like I'm living someone else's life. It's so hard to call them dreams when they seem so real. " Alice and Rosa were sound asleep on the floor next to us. " Do you want to talk about it ? " I didn't want to give him a response at first. " It's a little awkward to talk about them , because I'm always this girl in them. A girl who reminds me of ... me. It's so weird. " Yoshino 's tired bored face gave off a silent chuckle. " Don't tell me you stare at yourself in the mirror all the time like that so you can see your - " " Of course not idiot ! " He laughed quietly as to not wake the girls laying beside us. I hid my face with the journal in embarassment. Yoshino stopped laughing for a second and looked over toward me. " Hey, what does the journal say will happen tomorrow ? " My embarassed expression faded into a sad melancholy face. I held out the journal for Yoshino to take. " Take a look for yourself. " And Yoshino took ahold of the journal and began to read the lines on the page.
XXX XX XXXX
I died again this time.
" Tomorrow. . . I am going to die. " Yoshino's face turned completely dull and seldom from it's previous cracked up laughing smile. " It's not true... Tell me it's not - " " The journal does not lie. " Yoshino clenched his fist in frustration and looked at me , and I could see the sadness radiating from his emotions and eyes , as if he were looking into my soul searching for my emotions. " There has to be a way we can save yo- " " There is no way. It is my fate. " Yoshino's eyes welled up and tears gushed from them. " Hey, I thought we tough guys weren't suppose to cry. " Yoshino looked at me with both sadness and anger filled eyes and grabbed my shirt collar and shook me violently. " WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ? ! How can you be so calm ? " Since it had happened so many times , I found no sadness in my deaths. I thought nothing of them anymore. Besides , if it was to protect everyone and to get them out of here away from this suffer , I would think I was dying for the greater good. " Y- Yoshino are you okay ? " Alice and Rosa had awaken from Yoshino screaming at me about how calm I was being. " He... He's going to die tomorrow. " Silence filled the room. Alice and Rosa's eyes were windened and they were clearly woken up completely from the shock of those words. Yoshino took the journal and threw it to the ground , causing me a little pain in the side from the journal's injury, but I showed no signs as to make them worry anymore. " Read it..." He said as he turned around biting his lip. " READ IT. " Alice picked up the tossed book and opened up to the page of my fate. Her eyes filled with sadness and shock. She then passed on to Rosa to read. Rosa dropped the journal and stepped away from all of us.
" Tell me , Tell me it isn't true ! You can't - " "It can not be helped. The pages do not lie. " Silence filled the atmosphere surrounding us. No one moved a single muscle , everyone was in too much shock to. " It can't be.. You can't-" "It can not be helped. The pages don't lie. " "It can't ! YOU CAN'T ! NO IT HAS TO BE LYING ! IT'S A TRICK ! " " Don't speak about the journal like that. You won't be the one dying today so be ever grateful it has spared your life through all the time we've been here. " Yoshino and Alice pushed me to the ground and held me there for a quite some time. " What are you doing ? " I asked them both confused and somewhat angry that they has insulted the journal and cause it pain. " The enemy can't get in this room ! You'll be safe as long as you stay in here. There's no way the enemy can-" I interupted her, sighing and hanging my head down. " It's useless. This late in this loop , the enemy will reach the point of strength to where it can break the seal protecting this room. " I pushed them off me and leaned against the wall. " Everyone , I appreciate all of your efforts , I truly do. Reguardless of what you try though , none of you can prevent my death. I am so sorry.. Please.. Please forgive me. "
I felt my eyes slowly closing. " Are you okay ? " , Alice asked as she felt my forehead. " You feel a bit warm. You should get some sleep. " I slowly turned toward everyone, and then back to Alice and nodded. "Yes . . . it's probably just the stress from the journal entry for tomorrow that has me feeling down. That's all , please don't worry. " Yoshino gave me his pillow and Rosa covered me up with one of the spare blankets from the cabinets. " Are you positive you're okay ? Do you need some of the medicine ? " , Alice said as she placed a cold rag on my forhead. " Yes, please don't worry for me so much. Just watch out for yourself and the others okay ? I'm counting on you to get them out of here after I am gone. I will be a precious sacrifice. " I turned toward Yoshino. " You'd better look after them for me. And you'd all better get out of here. And when the time comes, you will not look back no matter what you hear or see. You will run to those doors. Do you understand me ? " Yoshino leaned down beside me. " What are you saying ? Don't think like that ! You're not going to die tomorrow. So please, just go to sleep. " I chuckled at his remark. " Okay. " My eyes became heavier and were coming to a close. " Farewell . . . everyone. " Their faces filled with shock , were the last I saw of them.
My vision was blur as I sat up from my safe warm bed. I reached out into the darkness and pulled my phone from the charger. The bright screen shined into my eyes , the dreaded time. 6:45 am , time to get up. " Time for school . " , I mumbled under an annoyed breath. I stretched out and gave a nice long yawn as my vision became clear. I slipped on a t-shirt and jeans and picked a hoodie from my wide selection in my closet. I fixed my hair to where it didn't look like I'd just climbed out of bed and headed downstairs. My brother was passed out on the couch as usual. I made myself some eggs and toast and stared at the clock. " I wonder what time it's going to happen. How painful is it going to be ?" I ran upstairs , grabbed my mp3 player and the journal, threw my backpack over my shoulder, hugged my mother goodbye, and ran out the door. I had plenty of time left over til school started , so I wanted to go my favorite place one last time, the hill where the sun rises. Sunrise was almost upon the freezing land , and if I ran I would be able to catch a great view of it.
I finally stopped to catch my breath. I'd made it, the sun was just now reaching the horizon. I took a seat under the old oak tree. " I wonder if I'll
be able to see a sunrise like this again... " I hugged the journal tight against my chest. " It's for them. For Yoshino, Alice, and Rosa..." I put the
journal down beside me and sat on my knees, " What did I do wrong this time ? I . . . I trusted them. They. . . . they called me insane. A freak . . . "
A soft breeze rustles the leaves and my hair. And for a moment , I felt the urge that I wished time would stop and let me savor life a bit longer. " I
understand now. I won't do it again. " I picked up the journal, stood up and brushed myself off and walked on my way to school. There wasn't much
traffic today , so I was able to cross the main roads with little to no trouble. I arrived at school about 15 minutes early. I headed straight to my locker , where I waited for the bell to ring for classes to begin.
" Good morning students ! " , our teacher creepishly grinned at us. I did anything back like the other kids in our class. I didn't say the pledge to the flag either. It's not that I hated this nation or anything , but I didn't really believe in "liberty and justice for all " , with all the crap I'd kept hearing about our government. The usual news came on the PA system and the day began. I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes though. All I could do was think about was my death soon to take place. Where and when ? How painful will it be ? "Hey , pay attention. " The kid next to me interuppted my thoughts. " It's your turn to answer a question. " The teacher glared at me. " Yes it is. " Everyone's eyes were staring into me like a knife piercing through me. "What's the matter ? Off in the other world again ?" They giggled at me. The people I'd chosen to trust had been going around telling everyone about it , people called me insane and said I needed to seek help. Everyone laughed , their laughter like knives stabbing me in the ears. Stop it.. It really hurts.. I stood up from my seat. " It doesn't matter. I don't care so leave me alone. There's your answer. " Everyone stopped laughing for that moment. No one would have seen that coming from me , no one. I would have never dared to do it either. Had I been living another day to face the suspension for it I wouldn't have done it at all. Silence continued throughout the rest of the period. And the bell rang for lunch. I watched everyone leave , and when they were all gone I got up to take my own leave. As I walked out of the room , I turned toward my teacher and stood in the doorway. " What is it ? " He asked me looking up from his work. " Goodbye teacher. " I said , and I left the room and headed toward the cafeteria.
I sat down under the old tree at the back of the school. I had a few minutes until the line in the cafeteria would be decent enough for me to wait it. I pulled out the journal and re-read my last line over and over. " I died again this time. " The words echoed in my head. " I really don't want to die. . . " I sunk my head into my arms. " I don't want to . . not yet. I don't want to die.. " "What's this about you're going to die ? Just because we embarassed you in class you want to die ? Huh ? Suicidal huh weirdo ? " The eight most popular kids stood infront of me , four boys , and four girls. " Ah, that's right. You think the you in the other world is going to get killed today don't you ? Oh boo hoo , so sorry for " you're " tragic end. " I remained silent as to not go off on them for the whole school to hear. " What's the matter freak speachless ? Why don't you quit playing pretend and start facing reality. " Suddenly a hand came out of nowhere and scooped up the journal out of my hands. " What does the journal say about today ? " One girl said to the boy who had taken it. " Eh hem." he said fakely coughing into his hand. " I died again this time . " I couldn't take this anymore. I jerked up. " Give it back ! " Two of the girls grabbed my arms and pinned me against the wall. " Yoshino and everyone are trying to prevent my death , the efforts are useless though. " They all laughed their knife filled laughters , all of them stabbing right into me. " What is this in all reality ? Just some stupid fiction story you're writing ? " I was filled with pain and rage as they insulted the journal like a child's storybook. " I said give it back ! " A girl took the journal from him and held it in front of me. " Oh you want back your little storybook ? Okay , I'll give it to you. In pieces that is. " What ? No she couldn't mean what she said.. If she did she was going to- No please. Anything but that ! " What ? No , please anything but that ! Please ! Please ! Just give it back I beg of you ! Don't do this please ! " "Oh ? Now you're going to beg ? Oh please , do continue begging it give me no greater pleasure then to hear small fry like you cry and beg for things. She was going to do no matter what I tried or said to her. Her hand grasped the page holding my fate's sentences. " NO ! "
The page was torn out swiftly. " Ah.. AH ! " The page fell to the wrong as I felt the deep pain like I'd been torn in two. " Ah... ah... " I collapsed in the girl's arms coughing off blood. It felt as though I'd been stabbed all over my body , my stomach buckled. "W- What ?! " The girls dropped me to the ground and they all backed away from me in shock. " I begged you.. I tried to .. nnngn... you still.. you still did it. " I tried to get up and stumbled trying to use the wall to pull myself up. I coughed up even more blood. " Why is it .... you people just can't leave me alone ? " I looked at them all shaking. " I'm going to die today. That's what I know. That's the answer to the teacher's question. That's all I know anymore. Death . " They all had the dumbest looks on their faces. They all looked ridiculous for once , not me , them. " Y- you're such a freak ! " The girl dropped the journal , which gave me another stab , and they all ran off. I picked up the journal and walked back inside. I was covered in blood , looking like a murderer. And as I stood up, blood spilled all over me. " It hurts so much... It hurts.." I managed to avoid being seen by teachers , and snuck myself to my locker to dispose of my hoodie. I then went to the bathroom and cleaned the blood from my face. " I have to be careful to not cough up anymore blood , or the teachers will get involved." Those jerks had made me miss my last lunch. I sighed and waited for the bell to go to my next class. And before I knew it , the final bell had rang and it was time to head home. I went to my locker to gather the few things I kept in it and headed for the trash bin out back. I disposed of all my belongings as if I were never there in the first place, as if I suddenly didn't exist anymore. I didn't want to leave behind anything in this loop, because I knew that the people now will continue their lives after I am gone into another, and I don't want them to remember me. "Glad I won't be needing you anymore, heh. " , I said smirking at my algebra one textbook sitting among the garbage. And I walked away from the trash and onto my usual route home. All the time I was walking home, all I could think about was my death to soon take place. I crossed the first main road with no trouble. It seemed everything around me was still and silent. As if time had stopped for me to wander it forever. My stomach was still in pain from the earlier incident with the journal. I checked and listened for cars as I crossed the second main road. One more road to cross, and then I would be safe from a painful death for now. Still no cars, and no sounds around me. The silence was upsetting and made me very uneasy. I took out my mp3 and the turned the volume up all the way. The final road was in my sight now. " Thank goodness." I walked fast, in a rush to reach the safety of my home. If I was lucky, I wouldn't die ! Please.. let this be the final chance ! Carrying the journal I ran an didn't pay attention to anything else. And as I lept into the road, I knew for that moment I was infinite. And then, I saw it, my fate . Coming straight for me.
I felt the pain like a thousand needles hitting my stomach all at once. The journal flew out of my hand and my body hit the ground like a rock. Cars came out of nowhere from all over, running over the journal like a stampede. I cried and screamed in pain, laying there in a pool of my own blood is agonizing pain. And no one seemed to care, no one heard me. I laid there in my blood looking at the sky with tear filled eyes, the pain was gone now, i couldn't feel anything anymore. "I knew you were playing with me." The final words of the song that was playing rang through my head. " Sayonara..." Indeed, farewell to this me. And my eyes slowly fell on the blue sky.
"I died again this time." ....... How did it end in the other world ?
I sat up from my slumber. Today was the fated end. "Good morning," Yoshino's sudden face in front of mine startled me out of my dreamy state of mind. "Ready to live the day of victory?" , he said with a huge grin which you could tell was completely faked. "Victory for the enemy, yeah, I'm ecstatic. " His wide grin became a long frown. "Y- You shouldn't think like that !" Rosa knudged my shoulder. " In that dream, she died. So will I. " Yoshino put his arm on my shoulder. " Just because a girl died in a dream does NOT mean you're going to die idiot ! " I swiftly grabbed his arm and pulled it off of me. " Stop saying those things.. Stop saying it. All of you.. Stop saying I'm not going to die ! I told you, the journal never lies, and the dream i had last night just supports that fact ! " I finally had broken. I let go of the hold I'd placed on my tears for the many thousands of times I'd endured this pain. " Everytime it's the same deal.. my friends say they won't let me die, say I'll live on and we'll get out of here, when it's all just a bunch of lies they were and you are feeding yourselves so that you don't have to face reality ! I'm going to die today, so just shut up about it already ! " I felt like such an idiot, crying over a fate I saw coming, and that I'd faced so many times. I wiped away the fresh tears that had fallen down my cheeks.
Yoshino began to walk away from me in frustration.
"Yoshino, wait. Please, wait. " , I said abruptly as I reached into my pocket.
I pulled out the front door key, the key to their survival.
"What is it ? " He said as he leaned down next to me, then I saw the flare of anger in his eyes.
"How.. How long have you had this ? "
"About two months now."
Yoshino grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and shook me like a rag doll, his anger bursting in each and every shake. Then, he proceeded to toss my across the room. As he came over to hit me again, Alice jumped out in front of him.
"Please stop this already Yoshino ! Stop fighting ! "
Yoshino upon hearing her small cries, backed out without hesitation.
"I had a good reason. "
My words made him flare up again and pick me back up by the collar.
"Man, cut it out I can't breathe ! I had a good reason I swear!"
"A good reason ?! A GOOD REASON ?!"
Alice and Rosa at this point were desperately trying to pry Yoshino off of me.
"TWO MONTHS. TWO WHOLE MONTHS?! AND YOU JUST NOW BRING IT UP?!"
"Please Yoshino I can explain!"
"Then explain! Explain to me why you didn't try to get out two months ago ?!"
Yoshino wasn't lightening his grip on me. " Say it ! Say it right now damn it ! "
"Let me go and I'll tell you!"
Yoshino let me go and thud to the floor in a flash.
"Say it then. Say it right now!"
I brushed myself off and stood up to catch my breath.
"Okay.. So the reason I didn't tell you about this before is because I didn't want to have to die any sooner than the journal planned for me to. I wanted to spend all the time I could with all of you before I died. You know I can't just defy fate that would~!"
"You might not have died! Did you ever once take the time to think about that?!"
"No.Yoshino the possibility to actually get us all out alive is one to a million!"
"That small percentage could have been a miracle waiting to happen."
"Yoshino..I.." He began to destroy Rosa and Alice's barrier.
"What are you doing?!", Rosa screamed as she tried to pull him off it.
"I'm getting us ALL out of here!"
He reached into his pocket and showed Rosa the key. "He's been hiding this from us for two months."
Her eyes widened at Yoshino's words. "You..what?"
"Rosa please..I just.." She interrupted me and but her hand on my head.
"Give me the journal." Her gentle smile was something I had to give in to.
I slowly handed her the journal. She began to flip through the pages until she had come across the page that foretold my fate.
"Rosa-" I began to speak but she cut me off with her abrupt movement.
"Hear me sick,twisted, tainted fate," she began,"On this day I will defy you!"
Defy fate ? How did Rosa think she would be able to do that?Meddling with fate could lead to her own end and I can't let her do that.
"Rosa.." She slipped her finger between the pages.
"Rosa wait don't-!"
"I DEFY YOU FATE!
I heard the sound and then felt it. The pain of being torn in two filled my entire body. My chest felt like it had been split in two right down the middle between my lungs and through my stomach. Blood spurted out from my mouth and all over the floor. I fell to the ground grabbing my stomach and moaning in pain.Rosa dropped the journal and fell to her knees.
"I-I didn't mean to..I'm-I'm sorry why..why did it.. why did I do that I-" Yoshino and Rosa's words started to overlap over her words.I took a moment and tried to stand up. The pain was agonizing but I hid it so that Rosa wouldn't feel so guilty about her mistake.
"I'm alright..really..It's okay. I'm fine, let's just go. I wasn't getting pass everyone though. Yoshino helped me up and I leaned of Alice for support.